December 11, 2016
What does one buy a feminist?
It’s hard to picture that feminists do things other than taking their clothes off and fighting rape, but numerous feminist gift guides have been released so I guess they celebrate Christmas.
What does one buy a woman for a gift? Perfume? Makeup? Jewelery? Pretty things? Maybe you buy them things that fit with one of their have numerous hobbies, like travel, photography, art, movies etc.
Make up? You think I need bow down to beauty expectations?!
Well after looking through these gift guides it’s very clear to me that they don’t have numerous hobbies. They don’t even have a few hobbies. They have ONE hobby- feminism. And they like to surround themselves with the same negative narrative even at Christmas time.
Raising feminist sons and daughters isn’t necessarily easy ― especially in the current climate ― but it’s incredibly worthy. So this holiday season, honor all the parents in your life who are doing the damn work with some pro-equality, anti-patriarchy swag.
Here are 21 perfect gifts for feminist moms and dads and their little ones.
These gifts largely focus on brainwashing your children, using them as political pawns, and taking advantage of the fact that they have no clue what they’re being forced to promote.
(And yes. These items actually exist.)
We start with this beautiful onesie.
Feminists love it because they don’t want to have to wait to introduce their child to feminism when they’re old enough to understand the whole concept of it, out of fear that they might call it out for the man-hating propaganda that it is.
And they say that faggots are nature not nurture.
How can you teach your son that feminism benefits everyone when he’s yet to learn the alphabet?
Daughters must love it when their father is a feminist. It gives them free reigns to do whatever they want and be a total slut, hassle free.
This pillow insinuates that women don’t have fundamental rights. I’m not sure what fundamental rights they’re missing out on? Maybe this pillow is made for Muslim girls who are forced to live under Sharia Law?
When your mother uses your emotions as a political tool.
Cuck ’em early. Does this sit next to the pillow about wanting fundamental rights? Is Malala allowed to leave the house without seeking permission or will she get beat up for it?
‘Um, actually she chooses to wear the Burqa. How racist and sexist of you to say otherwise.’ – Feminists
I know what you’re thinking- ‘but none of the feminists I know have children?‘ and this is thankfully very true. Not many do.
Luckily for us clueless bigots, Huffington Post made another list on what to get Badass Women.
When you need your pencil to remind you to love yourself.
Considering feminists don’t have sex because no man would dare touch them, I’m not sure who sees these. Do they chant this as they masturbate?
But imagine the horror of seeing these for the first time as your about to make love to a ‘woman’ who kept her feminism a secret from you. You’d have life long trust issues.
When you love Trump and want to be reminded of him all the time but know your oppressed squad would disown you if they found out.
I’m not convinced that a worthy person would need a crappy designed journal to remind them that’s what they’re are. Someone whose visited the abortion clinic too many times and is starting to feel guilty just might though.
This is just so juvenile. That’s all I can say about it.
I wonder how many of these condom packs are collecting dust. Quite a few I’d imagine.
If a Muslim had this then I’d understand. ‘Yes Habib, I’m holding the Quran and I’m on my period. I don’t care if he stones me, I’ll do what I want!‘
Michelle Obama. Such an empowering icon. I wonder if the other side of it features Beyonce lyrics? You know, that singer Michelle Obama says is the perfect role models for young girls everywhere?
What’s her favorite Beyonce song, Partition?
Driver roll up the partition please
I don’t need you seeing Yoncé on her knees
Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up
We ain’t even gonna make it to this club
Now my mascara runnin’, red lipstick smudged
Oh he so horny, yeah he want to fuck
He popped all my buttons and he ripped my blouse
He monica-luwinski’d all on my gown
Whoa dere daddy, daddy didn’t bring a towel
Oh, baby, baby we better slow it down
Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up
And we ain’t even gonna make it to this club
Take all of me
I just wanna be the girl you like (girl you like)
Michelle Obama thinks your daughter should degrade herself by getting on her knees and being whatever her ‘daddy’ wants her to be.
Don’t take parenting advice from trannys
Now, the last lot of gifts are from a guide made by Revelist. These gifts help feminists fight the patriarchy.
Every feminists dream- her boyfriend giving this to her Christmas morning. Unless your boyfriend is a faggot or white knight (difference?) it ain’t going to happen.
Because you have to be drunk to believe it.
This gift makes the most sense.
I’m surprised they don’t see this as a major set back for women considering every proper lady used to spend her time embroidering.
As an alternative I recommend buying her an actual embroidery set.
I don’t mind things like this to be honest. Usually you can spot a feminist a mile away by her ‘I’m a victim’ looks, but some of them are sneaky and you’re not able to identify them as one straight away. If they were all forced to wear something like this however, then a guy would instantly know which females to steer clear of.
Not many would need to wear feminist brooches
I say we return Christmas gift guides back to how they once were. When women were clearly filled with less hate and the majority weren’t suffering from self-esteem issues.
Have a very merry, white, traditional Christmas!